Black Family Matters, Black Mental Health, Black Womanhood, Grief & Coping

Why I hate the word “Motherless”

With Mother’s Day on the horizon, I cannot help but think of those who may have recently (or not so recently) lost a Mother or Mother figure. Right now, stores are filled with Mother’s Day cards, balloons, flowers and all of the goodies that we normally buy for the special Moms in our lives. However, as the day approaches and social media is flooded with throwback pictures of everyone and their Mamas (literally), my heart is aching for those who may not feel the same sentiment this time around.

Recently, one of my best friends lost her dear Mother suddenly and it totally rocked everyone’s world. My heart is literally broken for her because I CANNOT IMAGINE scrolling through social media today or tomorrow and seeing all of these pictures and the feelings that may or may not accompany that experience. I have also seen posts with folks uttering similar statements, saying that their hearts are “going out to the Motherless as they endure tomorrow.” This, however, does not seem appropriate to me.

Everybody is somebody’s child, whether our parents have gone on to Glory or just were not present in our lives for any number of reasons.  Everybody comes from somewhere and someone.  Thus, everybody has a Mother. I think my Godmama said it best: “some of us have “living Mamas” and some do not”. Calling someone Motherless totally ignores the fact that they were conceived, carried and birthed into this world. Even in their absence, Mothers whom have transitioned on to Glory (or are absent otherwise) are still Mothers. Maybe this is tied to my strong (Black) Christian faith, but we still speak about people whom have passed on in the present, because their spirits are still with us. Their bodies may be gone, but their love is still here. Thus, the roles that they played in our lives are not washed away once they have transitioned.

While many people are without their Mothers or Mother figures today (grandma and auntie “nem”, Godmamas, church Mothers, etc.), no one is a Motherless being. Mothers that are not physically present are not lost…we know where they are and feel their absence. Let us honor our Mothers that are here and those that were here but have transitioned on or are just not present. Let us reach out to friends and family that may be spending Mother’s Day without their Mamas for the first time this year, without diminishing the fact that they were once here. And if you are spending tomorrow without your Mama or Mother figure, know that my thoughts are with you and I am praying for you!

Happy Mother’s Day to all those past, present and future-Mommies-to-be!

IMG_3143IMG_2786IMG_5075IMG_3809Signed,

#BBG

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